A day in the life in a skirt

Thank you for your kind comments on last week’s post regarding wearing skirts or dresses on a daily basis! You gave me several ideas for future posts, beginning with this one. For those who were interested, this site has links to many of the articles I read last summer. Please note that I do not necessarily agree with all of the content (I haven’t even read all the articles!) but it is a good place to start reading various views on modesty and clothing.

This same page has links to the photo journals I mentioned (scroll down a bit; they are above the article links) but the last time I tried I was only able to access one. Thus, I decided to put together my own skirt-wearing photo journal for your personal amusement. These pictures were taken last week on a hot day when I was wearing a fairly typical outfit. I occasionally wear dresses or knee length skirts, but find a longer skirt is more conducive to housework and separates provide more variety. I’m not a big fan of denim, preferring to completely avoid the denim jumper/skirt stereotype. But this skirt has been a go-to item in my closet ever since I ordered it from L.L.Bean last winter; it is a tencel-cotton blend with a lovely drape. I made the seersucker blouse a few years ago from a pattern I drafted using Wild Ginger. The apron was a gift from Mom; it’s not a photo prop as I always wear an apron for cooking and cleaning.

And so my day begins. . .at least, the parts where Larry was home to take pictures.

Hanging laundry

Cleaning

Braiding hair

Fixing a quick lunch

Changing a diaper

Story time before nap

Watering flowers

Kids in bed–time to relax and read

The scoop on necklines

I never really gave necklines much thought. Lacking real cleavage, there really wasn’t anything to cover. . .or display. But my junior year in college, I realized my date hadn’t heard a word I said because he was busy enjoying the view offered by my v-neck top. Well! if even the pastor’s son  couldn’t keep his eyes on my face I figured I had better stick to jewel necks.

That kept me modest on top until a couple years ago, when wrap tops started coming into style. If you’ve ever sewn a wrap (or even worn one), you’ve probably noticed the delicate balance between wrapping attractively and keeping yourself under wraps. I’ve tried strategically located safety pins, I’ve stitched the two layers together where they cross (by hand or machine), and I’ve just ignored it and tried to keep my shoulders square and back straight. During the same time, I also started experimenting with the scoop neck: like the v-neck, it is more flattering to my face than a higher neckline.

However, at 5′1″ there is a fine line between flattering and indecent, and I am ashamed to admit I have sewn (and worn) more than one top that crossed that line. That is partly because I finally “developed” while pregnant with Baby Boy, and didn’t mind showing off a bit;  it is also partly because I hate to admit that I’ve just sewn something unwearable. But it is also because of Baby Boy that I realized another downside to lower necklines. Normal movement, especially for  mothers, quickly turns risque into risky. . .shifting my top to nurse, or a grab from his little hand, could expose me.

I have since become much more careful in selecting tops. Before I sew, I am careful to take the time to check the front pattern piece on my body in front of a mirror. If there is any doubt at all about the neckline, I raise it at least 1″. With most syles it is easy to trim excess later, but it usually requires a bit of creative sewing to make a neckline higher after the fabric is cut. But how does one decide whether a neckline is high enough? In response to my post on the 6th commandment, Kris left a link to a modesty program which gives a guideline of not more than 4 fingers below the collarbone. I think that is a good place to start, but I also own tops that are modest even though they are a little lower cut. Some other important things to consider: does the bra (cups or straps) show at all when I move? is my cleavage covered at all (or very nearly all) times? does it hug my body so that anyone taller cannot see inside? The purpose of a neckline is to flatter the face, not reveal intimate details about the rest of the body.

This is not a matter of setting and following strict rules. This is a matter of loving ourselves, and our brothers, enough to avoid leading anyone into temptation (even if that is not our intent). This is a matter of not drawing undue attention to our bodies, thereby distracting or embarassing those around us. This is a matter of remembering Whose daughters we are, and that our true beauty is in our character.

Lowrider

Before I begin this post, let me say that I realize there are ladies who choose low rise pants to flatter their particular figure. . .and who are mature enough to wear them in a way that doesn’t embarrass the rest of us. However, all too often, low rise pants cause fashion faux pas that would make a plumber blush.

There is no reason for young girl’s pants to be low rise. Their clothes should be designed to keep up with their active lifestyle, not with current trends. But unless I sew Twirly Girl’s pants myself, they require frequent pulling up. If a particular pair fits snugly so as not to droop, there is not enough fabric to keep her covered as she bends, turns, or otherwise moves. This may not be a problem for all girls, but I see enough drooping and tugging on the playground to know that it is indeed a problem.

Although teenagers may have acquired the figure that low rise pants are intended to hug, they are not necessarily a wise choice at this age either. On slender girls, the pants still droop; on curvy girls, the pants create an unflattering horizontal line in an already wide area. Also, many young (or young at heart) fashionistas pair their low rise pants with shirts not long enough to fill in the gap when they move. No one needs to know the color of your undergarments. . .and mooning is never in style.

I have been hesitant to discuss this subject, and hope I have not offended. Some women may consider it a matter of style; but as far as I know, repeatedly hitching your pants up has never been considered stylish. However, although you may be turned off by a man whose belt isn’t doing its job, you need to be aware that when the tables are turned, he is likely to be turned on. Whether you consider yourself attractive or not, those glimpses of flesh do have an effect on boys and men.

Defining my terms

Kim raised a good question about my use of the words feminine and modesty in discussing clothing. Here are the pertinent definitions according to Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary:

feminine–characteristic of or appropriate or peculiar to women

modesty–freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

In the matter of clothing, I would consider modesty to include not only covering enough of the body to avoid unduly distracting the opposite sex but also ensuring that the covering itself does not draw attention of a sexual nature. For instance, clothing that is too tight, low or high cut, sheer, or ”strategically” embellished would not be modest.

Feminine clothing is a bit more slippery to define in the 21st century. Strictly following Webster, one could say that it is clothing no man would wear. Practically speaking, I would say that dressing in a feminine way has more to do with overall appearance than with wearing (or not) specific types of garments.

I do see some possible overlap between “appropriate to women” and “propriety in dress”, but I’m not prepared to discuss that point at this time. If I suggested as much in my last post, it was not intentional; the two terms are certainly not synonymous. Women of a certain repute wear provocative versions of feminine attire that are decidedly immodest. Meanwhile a pair of baggy sweats or a unisex t-shirt and jeans might be modest, but they are not feminine.

Train up a girl

. . .in the way she should dress. I haven’t yet weathered the teen years with Twirly Girl. But for a 9 year old, she has a good handle on what is appropriate attire and what is not. Her ‘indecencies’ usually involve a favorite item of clothing getting too small to do its duty; when we receive a box of hand-me-downs, she needs very little input from me as to what to keep and what to pass. To that end, here are a few ways I have begun to teach her the art of dressing in a manner that is both feminine and modest.

• Begin at the beginning. If you have a baby girl, dress her like a girl. That doesn’t limit you to pink and ruffles. But there’s no need to leave strangers wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. In spite of my frugal nature, Twirly Girl hardly ever wore hand-me-downs from her brothers. When she did, I added a girly touch of some sort: a flowered shirt under the OshKosh bibs, bows in her hair with the Lands End rugby suit.
• Model for her. If you haven’t worn a skirt since your wedding day, don’t be surprised when your three year old refuses to wear her Easter dress.
• Provide modest attire. This goes beyond not buying immodest items. If she likes to wear dresses for play, make sure she has tights for winter and shorts or bloomers for summer. Skorts are also a good compromise for playground acrobatics. If her church dress is thin, get her a slip to wear underneath. A belt will keep her pants in their place.
• Talk the talk. Twirly Girl received a miniature version of a junior-style outfit when she was four. The short shorts were meant to hang from her tiny hips, and the shirt stopped well above her navel. She tried it on, and we talked about parts that need to be covered. She was quite cooperative and thankfully we were able to find a replacement outfit that still sported Dora the Explorer.
• Ask questions. Now that she is old enough to dress herself, I try to resist telling her what is or isn’t appropriate. Instead I ask questions, and help talk her through the answers when needed. “Do those pants come to your waist?” “Is that skirt long enough?” “Would you like it if your brothers wore a shirt that said the same thing only about girls?”
• Limit influences. I don’t keep her in a bubble, but we do keep tabs on what all the kids are watching and reading. What the eye sees often will begin to seem normal and acceptable. We spend very little time at the mall, which has the added bonus of saving our eyes from all the displays of immodest clothing.

Regarding the 6th commandment

6. You shall not commit adultery.

What does this mean?

We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other.

This is what we teach our kids at home, but unless you moms with daughters help, the boys will struggle to remember the lesson. God’s word, with Luther’s explanation, is all very well and good as we sit around our dining room table as a family. The problem begins as soon as they step outside our door (as an aside, the problems can invade the home, but this is not a post about mass media).

Everywhere I go, I see girls who have not been taught the importance of dressing modestly. I send my sons outside to play, and the girl next door is wandering around in a teeny bikini. I send them to Sunday School,  and a girl is wearing a thin summer dress without a slip. I wait for the cashier at the store, standing behind a young lady whose pants are so thin and clingy, I start to wonder if she’s wearing underwear. Popular t-shirts for girls of all ages have sayings that are on the edge of provocative (or are insulting to males). Bra straps show on purpose; camisoles are worn as outerwear; low rise pants hang precariously from hip bones; skirts reveal an inordinate amount of leg. I realize teens have always pushed the envelope on “acceptable” attire, but styles have really gotten out of hand.

Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sexuality (don’t believe me? ask your husband), and while the men certainly need to learn to control their own thoughts and actions, women also need to learn to project an image that doesn’t tempt men to sin in thought or in deed. This is equally true for boys and girls, especially since boys lack the maturity to keep their hormones in check. It’s rather like taking a small child to a large toy store. . .and telling them to look but not touch.

This is to be the first in a series of (sporadic) posts on modesty and clothing. When I have searched for articles on the subject, most of them are from a very legalistic point of view: wear headcoverings, don’t wear pants, skirts must be x” past the knee, and so forth. I will be writing both as a woman trying to dress herself and her daughter in a modest fashion, as well as wife to a husband and mother to five sons who have eyes as well as hormones (or will eventually, in the case of the younger sons).