Vicious cycle

As Paula commented on my previous post, one of the hazards of being a perfectionist (and marrying one) is that you tend to produce little perfectionists. It’s important to note here that perfectionism shows up in a variety of ways, ranging from doing nothing lest you do something wrong, to running yourself into the ground trying to do everything exactly right. Either way, it can easily be stressful both for the perfectionist and for the rest of the family.

At this point I would say that 3 of our 4 older children deal with perfectionism to some extent. . .oh dear. I struggle with how to help them overcome a monster that still has me paralyzed. For instance, there is the never ending parent-child issue of Clean. Your. Room. NOW. And sometimes the child practices his disappearing act, but other times they do put an honest effort into cleaning their room. But when the perfectionist mother (or father) comes to inspect, even though the bed is made and the toys are back in the toybox, usually the first words are something like “there are three pairs of dirty socks on the floor.” No wonder the kids don’t clean at all; it’s got to be easier than living up to that sort of criticism!

On the other hand, perfectionism can be an asset when it’s kept in check. At this stage, I don’t assign grades in our homeschool because we go over the material until it’s been mastered. When I find careless mistakes on a math test, they must be redone as a reminder to be more careful next time. If I find honest mistakes on a math test, the entire lesson is redone to make sure the child understands how to do these problems correctly before attempting the next level.

The struggle comes in making the best of perfectionism. . .and keeping it from becoming a burden. A job done right is certainly a worthy goal. But sometimes the price to meet that goal is too high–whether it be personal stress, strained relationships, or simply the fact that other (perhaps equally important) things were left completely undone in favor of attaining that single perfect accomplishment.

Division of labor

I’m a perfectionist. There. I said it. I’ve always been a perfectionist, but only recently have realized how much my perfectionism is my own worst enemy. As such, this post is me thinking aloud with the hope that my thoughts will either help you put your own perfectionism into perspective or understand the perfectionists in your life, as the case may be.

I just spent the past week cooking for 12 people, and it made me realize I need to learn to delegate more. Now, my guests did wash most of the dishes for me, and helped whenever I asked. . .but there is the problem. Like most perfectionists, I usually find it easier to do everything myself than to ask for help, much less explain what it is that needs doing. That’s not even to mention how it should be done, because as a perfectionist there is my way, and then there are all those wrong ways. And for all the times I remind myself that “done is better than perfect,” I still want to go back and fix everything to be just so. If you’re not a perfectionist, I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes at me by now. . .and if you are a perfectionist, you know exactly what I mean!

Back to all that cooking, though. Today I informed the two oldest boys and the twirly girl that they need to take on more responsibilities around the house, and I was open to their requests/suggestions. Well, all three of them volunteered to fix one or two meals a week (how come they don’t want to scrub toilets? huh? huh? oh wait. . .they already have that chore ). So. My job is now to help them learn to cook meals. . .and then sit back and let them do it. Even if they spill sugar on the floor and leave greasy fingerprints on the vanilla bottle. And even when they put too much pepper in the eggs or season the pancakes with paprika.

Yes. . .I know. . .you non-perfectionists are really rolling on the floor now. That’s okay. I think you’re funny too sometimes.