Vanity

This past Monday, Larry sent Twirly Girl and me to get our nails done (go ahead, I’ll still be here when your laughter has subsided ). One of his fellow EMTs has her own shop, and he thought it would be a fun gift for us. He was right, of course: it was the gift of much-needed girl time, a short respite from life in testosterone central.

Although I paint my toenails once or twice each summer, I haven’t worn polish on my fingernails since 8th grade (I tried once in college, but was working at the library–not a good combination). I didn’t want a color that would say “Hey! Look at my fingers!” so I ended up choosing clear polish. . .with little holly berries painted on each nail. Pretty but subtle. While it lasted.

After a couple of busy days in the kitchen and laundry room, several berries and leaves were missing. Then I tried to sew, and realized that was even harder on my nails. Drat! I’m just not one to sit still and admire my beautiful nails, so last night while waiting for my yeast to proof I removed what was left. And that was that.

I enjoyed the whole process–I will probably do it again, but I certainly don’t see me making a regular habit of it. That’s partly my frugal nature, and partly also the fact that I work with my hands too much to keep them looking nice. I use my hands to serve my family–to feed and clothe them, to give them a clean home in which to live. And in a very different way, that’s a beautiful thing too.

Dresses, not dressy

When I wrote about Skirting the issue, a couple of you mentioned  how you either felt too dressed up in a skirt or that others comment on your being dressed up if you wear a skirt. Although I have certainly felt overdressed at times or been asked “why are you so dressed up?”, it hasn’t happened as much lately. I’m not sure if that is because I have mastered the art of wearing a dress casually or if it is because I have always worn skirts occasionally and have been wearing them nearly daily for more than half of the time we’ve lived in Wyoming. In other words. . .people here are used to seeing me in a skirt. Either way, I wanted to share a few of my thoughts on wearing dresses (or skirts) without being dressy. If you have no interest in skirts for everyday wear, please stop here and go read a different blog today. If you keep reading please remember that I make no claims to be a style guru, I am just a young woman sharing what works for me.

• Being “dressed up” is not necessarily a bad thing. Even if I have no plans to leave home on a given day, I wear clothes I am not embarrassed to wear in public. You never know when someone will come to the door or a child will need an emergency doctor visit! I also find that when I am all dressed, it is easier to carry on with my duties at home rather than yield to the temptation to curl up on the couch and read or nap. And if I am dressed in a skirt, so much the better for dancing ’round the kitchen with Larry when he comes home for dinner!
• Some dresses are too dressy for everyday wear, especially for a stay at home mom. I choose the same types of fabrics and styles as I would if I wore pants. For me that means cotton knit tops or blouses on top and knits or denim/twill on bottom. My skirts tend to be simply cut (A line or gored) and solid colors darker than my tops: this is more flattering for my pear-ish shape along with being practical for my real life. Some of these separates can be dressed up with accessories but most of them I would not wear to tea with the Queen. On the flip side, you might notice I said “knit tops” and not “t shirts.” I define a t shirt as a loose fitting gender neutral garment with or without pictures or logos, best suited for exercise or painting the house. A knit top has a feminine shape (but does not have to be form fitting) and any logos are discreet; it could be a refined version of the basic t shirt or it could have any number of additional design features such as a wrap front or empire waist.
• Accessories matter, especially shoes. I absolutely do not recommend wearing sneakers with your skirt or dress! To me, that is a look that screams “I have to wear a skirt because xyz, but I’d really rather be wearing pants.” I wear a skirt because I want to wear a skirt! When I was a student or employed outside the home, I usually wore ballet style flats with skirts during the week and heels for dress up. I still wear heels for dress up but flats aren’t very practical when you are chasing toddlers. I usually wear some variation of the mary jane; my current favorites are this fun style from Skechers. I wore the Lands End version when we visited Carlsbad Caverns and they worked perfectly for all that walking, even downhill. I also wear casual sandals in the summer (and boots in the winter).
• Finally, your attitude counts too. If you feel overdressed, whether you are or not, it will show in your actions. If your clothing (or attitude) is keeping you from sitting on the floor with your kids or cooking dinner or whatever it is that you need to do, then something needs to change. Look in the mirror and be honest: is it your clothes or is it your attitude? If it is the attitude, I find it helpful to wear an apron whenever I’m doing something that might be messy, a habit I started years ago. And if I’m doing something really messy such as dyeing fabric or canning tomatoes (neither are regular activities for me), I change into old clothes until the task is done.

A day in the life in a skirt

Thank you for your kind comments on last week’s post regarding wearing skirts or dresses on a daily basis! You gave me several ideas for future posts, beginning with this one. For those who were interested, this site has links to many of the articles I read last summer. Please note that I do not necessarily agree with all of the content (I haven’t even read all the articles!) but it is a good place to start reading various views on modesty and clothing.

This same page has links to the photo journals I mentioned (scroll down a bit; they are above the article links) but the last time I tried I was only able to access one. Thus, I decided to put together my own skirt-wearing photo journal for your personal amusement. These pictures were taken last week on a hot day when I was wearing a fairly typical outfit. I occasionally wear dresses or knee length skirts, but find a longer skirt is more conducive to housework and separates provide more variety. I’m not a big fan of denim, preferring to completely avoid the denim jumper/skirt stereotype. But this skirt has been a go-to item in my closet ever since I ordered it from L.L.Bean last winter; it is a tencel-cotton blend with a lovely drape. I made the seersucker blouse a few years ago from a pattern I drafted using Wild Ginger. The apron was a gift from Mom; it’s not a photo prop as I always wear an apron for cooking and cleaning.

And so my day begins. . .at least, the parts where Larry was home to take pictures.

Hanging laundry

Cleaning

Braiding hair

Fixing a quick lunch

Changing a diaper

Story time before nap

Watering flowers

Kids in bed–time to relax and read

Skirting the issue

I like clothes. I always have. Growing up, I was one of those girly girls who usually wore dresses. I can’t say “always” but it was certainly more often than my peers. There was never any legalism attached, only a lasting love for the feminine swish of a skirt. In my early 30s, after spending the better part of a decade birthing (and nursing) enough babies to boggle most minds, I overheard an unkind remark about my frumpiness. Ouch! I spent the next few years purging elastic waistbands from my closet, all the while being frustrated with current styles. I’ve already blogged about my frustration with necklines; and in my quest to sew pants that fit perfectly, I confess I usually erred on the side of “fitted.”

Last summer, I googled “modest clothing” one night when Larry was working late. After finding many clothing shops for various religious restrictions that do not apply to me, I stumbled on a handful of photo journals. These women showed how they do their daily duties while wearing dresses. They may have had a legalistic attitude about their attire; I don’t know. What caught my attention was the fact that they were dressed simply but attractively; they were not wearing the ”uniform” denim skirts or jumpers that are usually associated with wearing dresses everyday. That made me start thinking about what I was wearing, and about how much I had enjoyed wearing skirts even when everyone else was wearing pants.

While mulling things over in my head for the next week or so, I read quite a few articles on modest clothing. I found the ones written by men and how they view women to be more helpful, in general; most of the women tended towards legalism, which was discouraging to me. The best article I found took modesty as a given in her discussion of the prevalent legalistic attitude towards wearing dresses only. She very aptly described the difference between wearing dresses to satisfy some unwritten rule, and wearing dresses because they best express your God-given femininity.

That was exactly the kind of conclusion I was reaching, and after discussing the whole issue with Larry I really haven’t looked back. I soon got rid of any pants that were at all immodest in their fit, and the rest have slowly followed. I don’t miss them; I can’t remember the last time I wore pants other than to exercise as I find skirts are more comfortable now. I already knew that the right dress or skirt is cooler than shorts in the summer, but I also found that a long skirt with tights, socks, and boots was just as warm as pants in the winter for the amount of time I spend outside.I kept thinking I would need to add a pair of long johns, but I never got that cold.

At first I felt awkward when everyone else was wearing pants, but the more I wear skirts the more they are a part of me and the less it bothers me. My only real challenge has been to sit on the floor in a ladylike way–thankfully, I seldom need to sit on the floor in public. I do think it is possible to be both modest and feminine while wearing pants, but I have found that I am happier with the way I look and feel in a skirt.

Let Me Be a Woman

The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman.

I first read Elizabeth Elliot’s book on womanhood as a college student, probably before meeting Larry; I recently found it on our bookshelves and decided it was time to reread it. The book was written as a collection of notes to her daughter soon before she married, and as such is divided into a large number of short chapters which relate to each other as a whole although many could stand alone if read  individually. The first half of the book covers a variety of matters pertaining to womanhood (single, married, or widowed); then there are a few chapters discussing manhood as it fits into the role of husband; and the second half of the book primarily focuses on marriage. Mrs. Elliot assumes that her audience already undertands that men and women are created to complement each other; this book seeks not to persuade but to give practical ideas of what marriage looks like when a man loves his wife as Christ loves the Church, and when she in turn submits to him as the Church submits to Christ.

Defining my terms

Kim raised a good question about my use of the words feminine and modesty in discussing clothing. Here are the pertinent definitions according to Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary:

feminine–characteristic of or appropriate or peculiar to women

modesty–freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

In the matter of clothing, I would consider modesty to include not only covering enough of the body to avoid unduly distracting the opposite sex but also ensuring that the covering itself does not draw attention of a sexual nature. For instance, clothing that is too tight, low or high cut, sheer, or ”strategically” embellished would not be modest.

Feminine clothing is a bit more slippery to define in the 21st century. Strictly following Webster, one could say that it is clothing no man would wear. Practically speaking, I would say that dressing in a feminine way has more to do with overall appearance than with wearing (or not) specific types of garments.

I do see some possible overlap between “appropriate to women” and “propriety in dress”, but I’m not prepared to discuss that point at this time. If I suggested as much in my last post, it was not intentional; the two terms are certainly not synonymous. Women of a certain repute wear provocative versions of feminine attire that are decidedly immodest. Meanwhile a pair of baggy sweats or a unisex t-shirt and jeans might be modest, but they are not feminine.

My point is. . .

If you’ve read my blog more than once, you’ve probably noticed that I write about a hodge podge of things. The truth of the matter is, there is too much on my mind to dedicate my blog to a single theme; and there is not enough time in my day to update multiple blogs. So there you have it.

Nonetheless, as I was thinking about my blog this morning, it occurs to me that there is one overarching theme: that of silly little me, living out my vocation. Or rather, vocations: Christian, daughter, sister, wife (to a Lutheran pastor), homemaker, mother (boy mom, at that), homeschooler, U.S. citizen, and so forth. Everything I do stems from one or more of my vocations. Sewing, for example. Yes, it is a hobby, but it is also a way to create a little sanity and order in my often chaotic days. It also allows me to dress Twirly Girl (and myself) in modest but (hopefully ) attractive clothing.

Clearly, it’s unlikely that any one of you shares all of my vocations. Maybe you are a working mom with boys who likes to cook in her free time; maybe you are an avid scrapbooking homeschooler with a more balanced mix of kids; maybe your kids are grown but you’re still addicted to Ottobre; maybe you’re none of the above and you just think my kids are cute. Regardless of why you are reading this, I thank you for following me on my own little journey to live out all of my vocations in this crazy world!

True to my roots

Every now and then when ladies gather, I find myself listening to a conversation about hair coloring. I also find I never have anything to say on the subject. I don’t think there is anything wrong with colored hair, and I did try reddish highlights once or twice in college. But I am content with my natural color, and I am certainly not going to hide the few silver strands that have started to mingle with the brown. As I tell my children (and husband): I earned these gray hairs, each and every one of them!